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By M'kwanailya wa Mweuta
The Unreleased, Unedited and the Real Health Status Report (just for your eyes)!

Commentators are hailing the President for releasing publicly, the recent Commission report into the health status in the country. The report has now hit the streets, and some are even waging a concerted campaign on social media, calling for the firing of the line Minister. That will be a first in this country; it's more like finding water in the world's oldest desert, the Namib.

Heads will never roll. Anyways, Dr. Kamwi is one of the most energetic and dedicated Ministers, second only to the late Dr. Fish. Plus, he inherited a system that was bound to fail at some stage. Our system has not kept itself in check, in view of a rising population, the brain drain in the sector, and the not so impressive above-average spending on health.

Notwithstanding the above challenges, this column understands that the recent report on the state of health system in Namibia is a watered-down and sugarcoated version of the real situation on the ground; it is the tip of the ice-berg.

In the name of your right to know as guaranteed by your constitution, your columnist M'kwanailya herewith brings you the unreleased, unedited report on the state of health system:
Disclaimer: Almost all the nurses regard nursing as a part time job. Their fulltime jobs are Multilevel Marketers. They sell cosmetics; food supplements tablets, Brazilian hair, and Cook wares .etc.

Every nurse wants to work night shifts in order to achieve their selling targets during the day, because their sleep is guaranteed during their so-called nocturnal work at our hospitals. Patients please beware and do not wake up sleeping dogs, the consequences might warrant another inquiry.

Whilst all reasonable precautions are taken to ensure the accuracy and integrity of this report, Anuwa accepts no liability however arising or responsibility whatsoever in case some nurses can prove otherwise then what has been stated above.

The following is an extract from the unreleased report:
- Almost all the midwives at public hospitals are females. They have first hand experience in giving birth and know how painful it is. They are convinced every expectant patient coming to deliver is extremely terrified, frightened and want to run away.

- Midwives consider "it is coming!" (the baby) as the "anthem" of their wards. So they take their time and sometimes for ever - to render services to these "bangbroek" (cowards) and good for nothing aspiring mothers.

- Midwives have been trained in the art of convincing pregnant mothers that it is not OK to shout when in pain because black women, know and feel no pain.

- At hospital X a woman was taking care of her late son who was hospitalised. She left to buy some necessities. Upon her return the bed was empty and her son was nowhere to be found. She inquired from one of the nurses if they have moved her son to another room. Anuwa, the nurse replied with an attitude "did you check in the mortuary". Indeed her son was there!

- At hospital Z a woman gave birth, an episiotomy was done. She later got stitched to fix the procedure. Thirty minutes later, she complained to the midwife that the labour is still raging on and she feel something pushing in her body. She was told its normal it will go away. After two hours, on her insistence, nurses found that she was carrying twin and only one was delivered! They rushed her to the theatre and found a still born baby in her body.

- At hospital Q nurse M came to work "tipsy". He slept all night long neglecting his rounds and forgets to give medicine to patients at 24:00. He was not punished because the nurse in charge did also not turn up that evening.

These are just some of incidences that quickly got my attention, after perusing the report from a senior civil servant's house where the report is being kept (out of fear that some inquisitive eyes might release it to the eager scribes). After this anecdotal evidence, I spoke to my friend Veii, about the state of our health system: "Mbuae, what you are telling me is nothing new. I never get surprised at this horror stories. Just the other day, my wife told me of an alarming event at another ward, where a young mother was wrongly dispatched with the 'wrong' baby from the incubator. Imagine, a dark-skinned baby for a white family with kroes hare nogal (typical ethnic black hair).

After several weeks, and stirs from family and friends, and obviously an irritated and suspicious husband, the wife returned the baby to the hospital. There was no need for a DNA test; the nurses on duty clearly saw what was wrong with that picture." I pressed him for some evidence as this could just not be true.

"You recall when we were growing up, when you ask your parents where babies come from, after seeing sibling number 10 arrive with a proud dad and mom, with no knowledge of the bun in the oven for 9 months,you would hear all manner of stories. Some include that a special bird drops babies from heaven and others that they are sold at the hospital.

Well, tell you what I also believe that this special delivery bird could get things wrong back in the day. If you look at some siblings in some families, they are so far apart; it's like night and day. And I just don't believe that all women cheated on their husbands to produce such alien babies. They would have just been given a wrong baby to take home."

Whether this is far-fetched or not, I leave it up to you to decide. But what we all agree is that something urgent needs to be done to improve our public health system. It takes the same commitment as shown by Dr. Deliver and perhaps a Conference on Health, so that all of us can change things for the better!


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